It took me longer than usual to get started and to complete this particular post. And it is not even a lengthy one.
Somehow I felt that since I am trying to pen down my thoughts on turning 40, I might as well use this opportunity to take stock of my life so far and envision where it might go from this point on. While attempting to do so, I unknowingly slipped into reminiscence, giving rise to many long pauses in between and constantly wondering if my life would have turned out better or worse if I had made certain decisions differently along the way.
To a large extent, it reminds me of a movie long time ago titled “Sliding Doors” by Gyyneth Paltrow, where even an apparently trivia event that took place might have altered the path for us in a way which we would never expect or discover. The ending scene, however, suggested that regardless the path that was taken, life has a magical way of taking care of itself to bring us back to where we rightfully belong.
I am sure many would agree that such thoughts are pointless since what’s done cannot be undone and furthermore, there is no way to find out. However, indulging in such thoughts at a time like this actually makes me realise even more how much I appreciate and treasure what I have now.
Looking back, I do think I deserve a little pat on my back for always wanting to put my best foot forward in all that I do. Perhaps the bits of regrets I have here and there are not doing the things I have wanted to do earlier enough. In another words, I used to procrastinate a fair bit, especially in my teens and early twenties. If I ask myself why that was so, I can honestly say that it was due to a lack of confidence to take on bigger and more challenging things. I guess I had an underlying fear of failure and the opinions of others mattered too much for my own good.
That slowly changed as I get to see more, know more and do more. People around me played a big part in shaping who I am and I feel lucky to have them in my life. It is not about how many friends you have or how popular you are. It is really about how much you matter in one another’s life and how positively you influence one another. For that, I count my blessings.
The big 4 is a scary term. No matter what everyone says about 40s being the new 30s (I think it is probably the only nice thing you can utter to someone turning 40), I can’t deny that four decades have passed and that IS a long time in human life. If I am lucky, I am still about half way there. Otherwise, most of my years have gone by already. Negative it may sound but a fact IS a fact 🙂
I recently told my eldest son that TIME is the only thing that cannot be recovered in this world so don’t waste it. Living life to the fullest can easily be the only motto we need in life! While this is so true no matter which stage of life we are in, it becomes even more so as my biological clock is clicking away silently in the background.
The past month have been full of celebrations when we cheered to the new year and to birthdays. Once the merry making slows down, I must not forget what I have promised myself to do, which is to never stop trying to be a better mother, a better wife, a better daughter, a better friend and a better person!